Crying in H Mart + Kimchi

Have you ever read a book that’s so heavy but also so good that all you can really say by the end of it is “woof“? That’s how I felt about Michelle Zauner’s memoir, Crying in H Mart. In these pages Zauner details her experience, as an Asian American in her mid-twenties, of losing her mother to cancer. She talks of first learning of her mother’s diagnosis, her attempts to help as her mother’s health declines, and, ultimately, the loss of her mother. Interspersed through these pages are Zauner’s childhood memories and reflections on her relationship with her mother and her Korean heritage.

Crying in H Mart is an in-depth look not just at the experience of caring for and losing a loved one, but also the complicated relationship between a mother and daughter, and the struggle to integrate two different cultures into a coherent singular identity. One thing that really ties all of these themes together is food.

The Importance of Food in Crying in H Mart

When her mother’s health starts deteriorating, Zauner turns to food as a source of comfort and connection. She begins watching YouTube videos to learn some essential Korean recipes. As she cooks familiar dishes for her ailing mother, she places hope in the restorative power of food. She seeks to strengthen her connection to her Korean heritage, and to her mother, through gaining culinary knowledge. And, after the death of her mother, cooking Korean recipes becomes a form of therapy for her.

“I decided to turn to a familiar friend–Maangchi, the YouTube vlogger who had taught me how to cook doenjang jjigae and jatjuk in my time of need. Each day after work, I prepared a new recipe from her catalog…Every dish I cooked exhumed a memory. Every scent and taste brought me back for a moment to an unravaged home.”

Michelle Zauner, Crying in H Mart

Maangchi

The “familiar friend” she mentions, Maangchi, has two cookbooks published and over 6 million subscribers on YouTube, where she shares in-depth videos on how to make numerous Korean recipes. Her website provides a lengthy catalog of recipes, as well as helpful resources on ingredients and kitchenware.

The fact that Maangchi’s recipes are available online and in her cookbooks means that we can cook the exact same recipes that Zauner talks about in Crying in H Mart!

Kimchi in Crying in H Mart

While Zauner describes making numerous Korean recipes, she seems to derive the greatest sense of accomplishment from conquering kimchi.

“I decided to…try my hand at the ultimate trial and Maangchi’s most popular recipe–kimchi.

Michelle Zauner, Crying in H Mart

Maangchi herself highlights the importance of kimchi in Korean cuisine, saying that if you can make kimchi well, you are considered a good cook in Korean culture.

Kimchi with Maangchi

Zauner describes making two different types of kimchi, chonggak and, the one I made here, tongbaechu. At first I felt a little overwhelmed, but Maangchi’s recipe makes it easy. She provides detailed descriptions of ingredients so you know what to look for at an Asian market. The accompanying video makes her recipe really easy to follow. And as Zauner says in her book, despite it being a somewhat time-consuming process, “the labor was soothing and simpler than I thought it would be.”

In the book, Zauner talks about how kimchi-making has become a regular part of her routine, “my new therapy.” And there is certainly something therapeutic about the process.

It is definitely satisfying successfully finding all of the ingredients and combining them into a paste, rubbing it onto each individual leaf of cabbage. There is a sense of accomplishment when you end up with a jar full of beautiful, vibrant red cabbage that looks just like Maangchi’s. It’s even more exciting when the liquid surrounding the cabbage begins to bubble, just as Maangchi said it would, a sign it’s beginning to ferment. And it’s most satisfying biting into the kimchi, tasting all the complex flavors, knowing everything that went into it.

“The smell of vegetables fermenting in a fragrant bouquet of fish sauce, garlic, ginger, and gochugaru radiated through my small Greenpoint kitchen, and I would think of how my mother always used to tell me never to fall in love with someone who doesn’t like kimchi. They’ll always smell it on you, seeping through your pores. Her very own way of saying, ‘You are what you eat.'”

Michelle Zauner, Crying in H Mart

Happy Reading + Happy Eating!